Same here Starry!! Thanks for saying this as it explains why i started to feel irritated at a therapist who was like that.

I do think confrontation is one of the most loving things a person can do for another who is unknowingly hurting themself.

I've had 2 people dear to me who had heavy addiction. No matter how many times or how gentle, the denial prevents them from taking it positively. An intervention is the most loving thing to do. I think both would be dead or in jail if there was no intervention, which is a formal and strong type of confrontation by loved ones.

I also think people who don't have addictions and are trauma survivors, can have similar defenses because we are not integrated. Well there are usually many parts, but one part of us wants to have a good life, but there is often at least another part who wants to destroy things as a means for protection. It's natural for that part to be angry when confronted by anyone as they can involve strong needs to protect ourself; the destructive part is a part of ourselves too, and if it goes away-we are destroying a part of ourself. So when confronted, it can feel like someone trying to kill us off in a sense. That is one reason why it can be so difficult to hear.

It's talked a lot about in DID materials, but I think the majority of trauma clients have splits too, just less extreme than how we normally think of DID. My last therapist called them ego splits. They often come from pre-verbal trauma; they are so deeply rooted, that it takes a lot of working through and gentle confrontation for integration to ensue, which is one primary thing that brings about the change.

There have been a couple of times where my therapist has had to confront me in a less gentle way to 'wake me up', i think. Which leads me to think-maybe that led to our recent rupture--his aggressivley confronting me? I have to talk with him about this and see if that may have led to some ruptures. Didn't think about it that way before, so I appreciative of this thread.