I'm trying to be more aware of what I'm doing...
such as things to soothe, comfort, and grounding..
but its hard.. alot of times i can't help myself, i try hard but its really hard

my therapist said that its about bringing a 10 down to a 9 rather than curing it all in one go because its more realistic... so i try to notice things, i try hard to know what helps....
i started wearing a necklace, i can play with it and it makes me feel better a little...
i can take a deep breathe and it makes me feel better a little...
i can step away and walk away and its not wrong, its not a bad thing and i wont get in trouble and it makes me feel better, even though i feel like i will get in trouble ... i wont ... i think...

im 27 years old now, just turned 27 ... i feel like im so old, but im not that old... i dont understand it, its not fair 27 is so old...

i see the world, but i see the world through lens, i dont see the world the way normal person does i think... how can i see things 20 million different ways at once? to look through multiple eyes, it makes me cry inside... im so sad