I had forgotten (dissociated?) how very much we hate Christmas. Blindly ignored it leading up to it. but you know, bought presents and stuff. Then our outside kids got excited today and wanted to listen to Christmas music and, and.... I just can't deal with it. It's crashing in on me. Triggers everywhere. Memories flooding my mind like disco balls refracting light everywhere. Its just me and the two kids, trying to hold it together for them but not doing so well. Inside is very scattered and distraught.
I wish I could turn the Christmas carols off. They are like torture devices.