alpacalicous: You are NOT a bad person.
And please, don't feel stupid or bad for bringing this topic up and discussing it with your T. You are a free person and you are free to change therapists - for whatever reason.
Maybe your T was just surprised because she didn't expect this discussion. And maybe not at this point in time.
After all, she said, that you could go... So I don't think she is mad with you.

Maybe it is worth looking into how she could support you during this transition:

• What areas does she think you need to continue to work on?
• Are there any specific qualifications that your (current) T thinks might be useful for a new T to have (when I started looking for a new T (because of insurance) my old T recommended I should look for someone experienced in trauma recovery and attachment stuff.)
• Could she write a report for next T about the areas you've covered so far?
• Could you keep seeing her until you found a new T that you feel you can work with? So that you are not left on your own during this time?

If she really thinks this isn't a good idea (and explicitly says so) I would ask her what makes her think so. Maybe she is worried that you will be without support during this time of transition? Maybe she is worried that you might end up without T, since the search can prove quite difficult at times?

And maybe she might find it difficult to let go - but this would be about her and not about you.


Sending you warm hugs, and please, don't beat yourself up about this.