When you read the link I presented, what was helpful in that link is the comparison between hypervigilance and paranoia. When someone struggles with PTSD they are more sensitive and hyperaware.

Now, let's think about depression and anxiety for a minute. A human being functions best when in a structure where there is a sense of predictiblity. A study was done recently to see how the brain reacts when someone is hooked up to a devise that can shock them. First the individual was told that they can be shocked at any time or not at all during a period of time. The brain showed an increase of stress for the entire period that a shock "could/might" take place. Then the individual was told that they would not get a shock until the end of a determined period of time. The brain showed a significant reduction in stress. This is proof that when a human being "knows" when something is going to happen the amount of stress is significantly reduced.

As children we have no choice but to adapt to the environment we are in and if that environment is filled with unpredictible shocks, a child can develop anxiety challenges. However, as a child grows and develops a child will try to find ways that they can have some control over whatever is taking place in their environment that stresses them. This is the beginning of how a child develops their own personal subconscious pattern of having their own sense of structure that provides them with that sense of "control".

When you question, "am I like my older brother or like anyone who abuses or manipulates to gain", that is actually very normal because of how we do have an awareness of learning from others around us. Your brother was so much older than you and because of that he could "trick" you and intimidate you. But, you are the one that got "hurt" by that so right there you are going to be "different" from him.

From what you have described of your brothers becoming alcoholics, and your older brother also abusing and manipulating it sounds like they both had anxiety issues and self esteem issues where they embraced anger, manipulation, and alcohol in an effort to escape "feeling and emotion".

Often if a child is a victim and develops in a hyperaware mindset as you have described, that child may not use alcohol in the same way because of how it can make that individual feel uncomfortable to be under the influence of a drug that can compromise the sense of awareness needed to self protect. You want to "think and learn and be prepared" and that is part of why you embraced being educated and the other things you have talked about achieving.

You said something has happened recently that traumatized you where your awareness about humanity has become hyperaware and very sensitive and can get emotionally overwhelming. I have that challenge myself and I have the same question about what I would be like had my past been different. Well Journey-Man, part of this challenge is how we are actually designed so that we have a desire to sound an alarm of warning so that others will learn and thrive better.

It is also important to allow yourself to recognize that at the same time we are learning more about human nature and the brain itself too so what is known now was an unknown when you were growing up and when your parents were growing and learning and thriving in their generation.