Gerber, In the big scheme of things, I just don't know why. I guess if I feel like you, which I have done, and secretly still do, then I guess most of T's clients feel this way too? I think me thinking why can't she become my friend is easier to work on then the reality that she is never going to become my friend, that is so final. So the dynamic in my head is keeping me hoping? Keeps the dream alive no matter how painful the dream seems? Maybe you could continue the thought and make up plans for you and her? Allow yourself the luxury at least, in your mind?