Mapper, I understand that writing this out is helping you in some way to process what you are going through.

I do remember some psychology from support work training a few years back in which we learned about the phases of change, they went like this:

Pre-contemplation - Contemplation - Preparation - Action - Maintenance.

Our trainer instilled in us if we were to take just one thing away from our course he hoped it would be the realisation that pre-contemplation and contemplation phases can last for a very long time (& not to push someone in those phases either). I have seen this a lot on PC, not just you, many of us post when we are in this phase, it's where we are at that time, it gives relief to express it.