Had 14 months sober as of Dec this year until last Saturday night. I had a few drinks at a big family annual party. Have not had any since then but I wanted to today. I thought about grabbing just one cold one and sneaking it on the way over to my Mom's. But I thought about what might actually happen which is some sort of chaos of wierdness. I can't get away with it. I never have just one. What if I got a dui? So I didn't. I got through it. But I'm sick of being an alcoholic. I'm so disappointed in myself and full of self-hatred and depressed.