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Originally Posted by Trace14
Yes, that's pretty much how I feel and I know my lack of excitement may have hurt some feelings. I usually make a Christmas list of things I need/want and people know to get something off that list otherwise...it will get little or no reaction. I feel bad about that. But I do love making crafts for others, doing things for others, and giving gifts or sending flowers. Why do you think we have to feel so good about that? It's like the only things that really makes me happy.
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Something that was branded into my head as I grew up: I'd receive a present and would also endure a ten minute lecture of how much getting said gift set my dad back, along with a day or two of repeated reminders of how much it cost (a lot of the times might have been $20) and how I'm so spoiled for even getting it, on my birthday or on Christmas. When I'd give something, "Oh, thank you." Gratitude, but very short lived as I would be incompetent about something later. Short lived but much desired. It's fixed in my brain that what I receive is selfish for accepting but must be taken with gratitude all at the same time. However, when I give, it's selfless and something that is to be commended. Maybe just something I can be proud of. I also know that I just want to make people feel something that I desire with every fiber of my being, but can't. I makes me feel good knowing that I did for others what I can never have and I live vicariously through them. So, it can still be considered selfish, but what am I going to do?
