Something that was branded into my head as I grew up: I'd receive a present and would also endure a ten minute lecture of how much getting said gift set my dad back, along with a day or two of repeated reminders of how much it cost (a lot of the times might have been $20) and how I'm so spoiled for even getting it, on my birthday or on Christmas. When I'd give something, "Oh, thank you." Gratitude, but very short lived as I would be incompetent about something later. Short lived but much desired. It's fixed in my brain that what I receive is selfish for accepting but must be taken with gratitude all at the same time. However, when I give, it's selfless and something that is to be commended. Maybe just something I can be proud of. I also know that I just want to make people feel something that I desire with every fiber of my being, but can't. I makes me feel good knowing that I did for others what I can never have and I live vicariously through them. So, it can still be considered selfish, but what am I going to do?