I think Spotnitz used the theories from Kernberg and Kohut to develop his. I am reminded of the modern psychoanalitic concept often when I read posts here on PC about people suffering in unhelpful therapy and unable to get all the frustration and pain across to the T because they don't want to hear it. Instead, the Ts often react in a self-righteous and grandiose manner, which of course causes emotional injury to a vulnerable client. I often feel angry at those therapists and the attachment they foster just reading stories... especially how people get trapped in those situations and turn the frustration against themselves even more (that's a form of that narcissistic defense).

I don't personally buy into the idea that something as complex as schizophrenia can be cured or even just treated effectively with psychotherapy alone (which Spotnitz and his followers claimed). It may have been an interesting concept around 1970 (when Spotnitz first published his seminal work) but in our era, it is extremely outdated. I do easily see how the technique can be useful as part of treatment for the so-called preverbal traumas and disorders.

I have a very strong tendency to look for similarities and familiar patterns in other people and bond with them based on these, though it's much less dominant now compared with my younger years. Of course often a lot of these initially perceived similarities are projections, transference reactions. This has also been a major force behind how I tend to get attracted to people, a pattern present throughout my life. The typical dynamic usually is that I am drawn to someone thinking we have a lot in common (sometimes in a more idealizing way, other times both good and bad, and sometimes I sense similar problem areas in them that attract me). Often it creates a strong bond initially and a seemingly very harmonious relationship for a while, a sense of merging with someone. The first person I recall experiencing this with was my father before age 7... he had strong narcissistic traits actually. But then our connection disintegrated as I was growing older (I lost interest) and I also developed frustrations and resentments about him that I often told him directly. We did not have a close relationship until a point much later (mid 20's) when we reconnected in a more adult way, much like two independent, self aware people, like close friends, which lasted and further developed till his death a bit over a year ago. The initial phase of it in my childhood was definitely quite similar to the concept of narcissistic transference, then was the separation, and then an adult relationship. Never had any of these with my mother but had a strong detachment from her when I was 4-5 years old and then never let her close, I think because I did not see anything similar between us and in how we oriented to the world, what interested us etc. She was also intrusive, desperately wanting to be close, which further alienated me. So these patterns of how I relate to males vs females carried forward into the rest of my life and is still present, although nowhere as strong as when I was younger (I worked on it a lot in the last ~10 years). But I always choose male therapists, did not even look at women seriously as possibilities. I might at some point in the future if I am still interested in this but right now I am taking time off of regular therapy.

Being aware of this pattern in me was what got me interested in modern psychoanalysis and it's techniques... not really issues with bottled up anger and frustration, but this strong tendency to be drawn to similarities and the associated desire for a close intimate connection, which I tend to both seek out and avoid. I was also intrigued by the concepts in the theory regarding addictions and their origins, as addiction and obsessions are my main issues. Ironically, I completely failed to experience that strong positive connection with the psychoanalyst I mentioned... so I learned that my attractions are far from being purely projections. He and I just had very little in common in our personalities, thinking and expression style, etc. He was also very inconsistent, boundaries all over the map, which did frustrate me a lot as responsibility and work ethic are high in my value system. I think I had similar negative feelings toward him as I had for my mother... which was interesting and we discussed it quite a bit. Even the T's attempts at caring for me and supporting me felt similarly superficial, self-absorbed and often ignorant of real problems. But I never felt it beneficial for me to "work through" these feelings and my anger for him extensively (I had a lot at the end, more as specific response to his behavior than transference, I think). I had no issues telling him what I thought when I was aware. We kept having conflicts until a point when I felt it really useless and harmful and left. He did not want to let go of me for a while and seemed to firmly believe (or maybe manipulatively suggest) that I might repeat the same thing with another therapist (or other people) because I was not willing to "resolve" it with him.

Well, that was not the case with my second (eclectic) T at all. But I did consciously choose this T to fit my pattern of how I most commonly get attracted to people and told him this even before we essentially started to work together (told him how my choosing him was in part a transference reaction but I was highly aware of it). It wasn't hard because I could see from his online info and much more in our first session that we do have real similar backgrounds and interests. He routinely and consistently validated this by sharing many things from his own life as they related to my stories. I enjoyed working with him a lot and never lost the sense of positive connection, but it wasn't enmeshment or exaggerated attachment, more a relationship between two independent adults as equals, the kind I experienced with a few people before. The interesting bit was that I never had any significant strong negative feeling for him and we had no conflicts at all and while I like him very much, I had no major issues ending our regular sessions. I felt that therapy with him was far more effective than with the first T even though it got a bit unfocused at times in spite of my starting with clear goals.

What I did find useful with the first T though was having a strong awareness that his kind of "care" and insecure, self-absorbed relating has no use in my life. He kinda wanted me to admire him and look up to him, apparently wanted to provide that "good enough" care, but it was impossible for me after a while because of his dogmatism, inconsistency and the feelings it evoked in me. I thought about this a lot because I clearly resisted spending more time with resolving the conflicts... but I still think that it was better to leave it alone for me and move on. So in a way, I think experiencing and expressing the frustrations were meaningful and stepping out of the frustrating situation even more. I don't have a history of being attracted to abusive and destructive people but did experience quite long-term unsolicited abuse from my peers (other kids) as a child. This experience with the T reminded me why I avoid and do not allow that... sometimes even in an exaggerated way. I certainly had strong reactions to it.

I think it is possible to practice these things in everyday life to a certain extent, for example not accepting and allowing manipulations from people who clearly have that tendency and the underlying insecurities driving it, trying not to give in to co-dependent relationships etc. Of course it is challenging if someone has a tendency to idolize those people and relate to them submissively.