This is very close to how I feel when I am dissociating with t. I have several different intensity levels of my dissociation. One level is simply not processing, comprehending, or remembering what was said. In these states, my t rarely recognizes it is going on though she might be getting better at reading them.

Next there is where I can even respond to the questions at times but it is like I am talking to a speaker box. t isn't there anymore and there is no other input coming into me than the words. I no longer feel like I am in the room that has the furniture of her office, instead I will be in a purely white, empty room.

At the far end, I melt into inanimate objects (ok that is what I feel like). Physically I usually break down in tears/sobbing, try to make myself be as small as possible, tremble, shake, rock, and seek the protection of a physical object. I dematerialize, disintegrate, break apart (or want to). Mentally, I am in a locked box, untouchable by even myself. Nothing she says reaches me, nothing in the room reaches me.. ect.

I only go to these when I'm in an intense experience and feel trapped unable leave the space. T has told me that I can leave if I want to/need to. I can't in these moments, I don't have permission, in the moments - frozen.

t and I have talked about this concept and pretty much come to the conclusion that it is what is happening with me. I am overwhelmed in the moment and has nothing to do with a specific event (trauma) in my past. And yes, she also talks about it not always being a bad thing.

What I have asked her to do is to go slower in these moments, if she can catch that I am in early stages to stop asking me questions or ask more basic questions that have nothing to do with what we were talking about - something concrete like about the car I drive or a hobby I do. Once at the far end, I need serious help grounding and not much she can do but ride out the storm.