Not looking for a diagnosis. I just have a therapist. Not a doctor. When I went through different concepts and diagnoses I can see parts in several. Like attachment disorder, sociopathy, dissociation and Aspergers. I don't think I have anything to a hundred per cent so for me I think those boxes don't matter much. I really don't like them much because if I was a sociopath they would just say I can't change.

I don't have a job and I don't want one but I try to tell myself I need to change so I will want to work and do normal things. It just sound so boring! I really don't want to grow up. Part of me tells me it is OK to be a welfare bum for life. But I also dream about buying a house in Norway and I cannot do that without money. I would like being able to open my door and walk out into the wilderness if I wanted. City life is OK but weird. It is a lot about friends and going out. It is a bit artificial. I sometimes hug trees when I see them.

I once when I was younger packed and went out into the wilderness and was gone for over five months. It was nice. Rough ofcourse. I have my friends in my head with me so I am never alone. Or maybe I am always alone. I don't really feel that when I hit send this message will go anywhere. Being in the world can be just like talking to myself. Is that strange?