i'm sitting here doing exactly what t and i talked about i should not do. i am trying to feel myself like i think he feels. and that is just dumb. because it doesn't take away how he feels it just makes both of us miserable. but i don't know how else to be. i don't know how to not do that. i have been working so hard in therapy trying to make myself a better person. why am i still not enough? maybe i'm really never going to be good enough for anyone. maybe i just really do suck. maybe i should just pack up a bag and leave. my son doesn't need me anymore. h obviously doesn't even care enough to talk to me.