You can be a success story. I believe you can. If you think about it, every story about heroes has a "dark night of the soul" where the hero goes through some nasty, painful even tragic stuff. You are the hero of your story, and right now you're going through your trial by fire. That doesn't mean you can't triumph in the end (even though you're going through major crap now). Hang in there and keep posting. Try therapy--Skeezyks is right (again!!)--it can help just to have someone to talk to