With regard to sex, you might want to read a book or two by Barry McCarthy, a noted sex therapist. Some are available on amazon, including one specifically about erection problems.

Basically, sex therapists nowadays promote a vision of closeness and touch being pleasurable in themselves and not just a prelude to intercourse. If couples can experience closeness and touch as fun and pleasurable and satisfying in themselves, then there can be less tension and pressure to perform during sexual interactions. It is quite possible and acceptable for couples to have satisfying experiences without necessarily climaxing each and every time.

With regard to touch not necessarily being pleasurable, did he look at the video with you? I think that ways to tell him how to touch or not touch you should be discussed sometime when you are fully clothed and not in a bedroom. One or both parties not being fully available for sex is a common occurrence and is not necessarily due to any shortcoming in the other. When this happens, couples can (when fully clothed and not in a bedroom) aim to work out what to do or not do in an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding and respect. For example, if you do not feel up to receiving touch, perhaps you can nevertheless give him touch (sexual and/or nonsexual). Perhaps you can hug or snuggle instead. The main thing is for one partner to explain, and for the other to understand and accept, that it is not criticism or a personal rejection when one is unavailable for touch or sex.