whenever i lost a pet i would feel so guilty about their deaths that i would get very depressed. and i couldn't shake the guilt. the same thing happened when i lost my mother. all the couldas and shouldas. so i have been depressed for almost 16 years now. i quit my job and just temped because i was an emotional basketcase. i finally found a permanent job a few years ago but had to quit that when my pet became disabled. then when he died, i felt guilty again. i always try my best for my pets but always miss something in their care. sigh. i am currently trying again to find permanent work again but have had no luck. my soul has been so worn down by my guilt i am wondering if people can see or feel that. my hair is also gray so that doesn't help i think. i can dye it i guess. i can't believe i have to look for work at an age when most people are thinking of retiring. that is depressing too..