Fantasizing about t's life - As part of my "get well" program I take these hour plus long walks. I have a pretty set number of paths for my walks. Along one of my paths, this past summer/fall a nice house sold. For some ungodly reason, I fantasize about t having purchased that house. At first the thought was about running into her there, wanting to run into her there, and realizing I would have to change my walking path to avoid intruding on her life. Then it was, would I be able to not stock her at her house if I knew that was where she lived.

Well, yesterday as I did my walk, I saw in the window their Christmas tree and thought about t in that house. Her around that tree and her friends/family around her, and the warmth/love in the house. It's bizarre to me that I think, imagine, fantasize about this and find comfort, some wishing I was there, but I don't think there is jealous that she is there and they get her. I think that is because I recognize I get therapy t, which no matter how genuine she is, I do not see angry t, tired/exhausted t, short tempered t, busy t, worried t, scared t, ... and because of that I have a warm bubble sense of t. So when I fantasize about her, it is in that sense of the warm bubble t, almost tv land like situations - the brady bunch, leave it to beaver... perfect images, perfect life, perfect love. Not realistic at all , so I think I'm good with my fantasies staying fantasies.

PS - I did image google her yesterday to see her picture again. I just wanted to see her. Maybe I should just save off the one I really love that way I don't have to google her to see it.