I have been reading the responses to this thread with various levels of agreement and pondering. I think there are good points all the way around.

Rainbow, what did you end up doing? Did it satisfy your needs, make things worse, how did it change you? Did you learn anything about yourself in the process? How do you feel about yourself now? If you didn't get the outcome you had hoped for, any thing come up that might help you realize that this is an exercise in futility. If you did get the outcome you had hoped for (ie find out/learning about the bf) are you satisfied and what was enough?