Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio
I have been reading the responses to this thread with various levels of agreement and pondering. I think there are good points all the way around.
Rainbow, what did you end up doing? Did it satisfy your needs, make things worse, how did it change you? Did you learn anything about yourself in the process? How do you feel about yourself now? If you didn't get the outcome you had hoped for, any thing come up that might help you realize that this is an exercise in futility. If you did get the outcome you had hoped for (ie find out/learning about the bf) are you satisfied and what was enough?
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This is making me think of something else my MC said about the googling. I clearly felt guilty about it and worried that MC/T would be mad, reject me, etc. (yet I somehow couldn't *not* tell them). I told MC I did it in part to feel closer to him, because I'd been feeling disconnected that night and didn't want to bother him with a text/e-mail. So he asked if it did make me feel more connected, and I said not really. He asked if, in the past, I'd done something to feel more connected to someone, then ended up feeling bad about myself and/or less connected. And of course the answer was yes (he knows me entirely too well...). So it made me think about more constructive ways to connect to people, whether him, T, H. friends, etc. Like, say, just contacting them.
Rainbow, do you think any of this could be connected to your trying to not e-mail your T that much? Like maybe you're using this to try to feel more of a connection?