Good you are exploring these issues. Cut yourself a break with the guilt if you can. Coming here and constantly being told you are not respecting boundaries, i think, can be an attempt on your part to resolve the conflict (take one side) as both sides have tremendous pull. Maybe if you do t look at it as inacceptable, the need could lessen because the OC circle would break.

In my case, attempts to be closer to my therapist always leave me feeling rejected, even though rationally, he cant reciprocate. Those are transference reenactments as my mother was unavailable physically, emotionally, even mentally.

Adding-i think has absolutrly nothing to with boundaries. As Unaluna might say-it always comes back to your mother.