i feel like im doing the wrong thing, like i shouldn't be here talking to yall...
like im just making stuff up... like im putting on a show and to yall it may seem like maybe i do have d.i.d. (or not) but maybe i dont and i dont want anyone to think that im misleading anyone or think that im being manipulative...

i dont want to get in trouble and i dont want anyone to get the wrong idea about me, i dont even want anyone to think about me or have feelings for me... i dont want anyone to be manipulated or believe falsely about me...
i dont want to hurt anyone....

im having a hard time... the truth is i have been on this merry-go-round thing of exploring dissociation this whole year, i read about d.i.d. and it seemed really like what i experience but i feel like a fraud for thinking i could have it... so some times(days, hours, minutes, whatever because it changes fast) i feel like yes! i have it! for crying out loud! and other times i feel really like no its impossible...

what i know about myself is that i experience major depression, anxiety, i have amnesia and really hard (impossible) time remembering things daily, on a minute to minute basis... i was told i have adhd and some form of a cognitive disfunction...
but i think i have something really wrong with my brain, and i dont know what it is... so it adds to the confusion... my therapist says i dissociate a lot which im still not sure i do... but i guess i do... but maybe its because of whatever is really wrong with my brain...

i just wish i knew what was wrong so that i could work on making it better...
but im working on making it better whatever it is im just doing it by shooting in the dark atm because i dunno what it is...

i just dont want people to be as confused by me as i am confused by myself because i like you all here and im scared that im going to make people hate me... im genuinely sorry if i have...

i just wanna figure things out... but i dont know how... and im scared....
scared of many things....
and dont want to be alone with this anymore...

im sorry if im making it sound like i have d.i.d. ... i dont mean to, im just looking for answers...

i hope this is understandable... sorry...



thanks for letting me hang out...