I was angry at them. I'm getting over it, especially since his son did call him earlier. No, I would not feel it's my place to chew them out about anything. They're not my kids. It's really not my business.

They don't particularly like me, and I don't particularly like them. That's been true for years. But my responsibility is to be reasonably cordial and not aggravate the rift for my friend's sake. I've known since a long time ago what hard hearted, self-centered creatures they are. I thought I was beyond being surprised by behaviors that demonstrate that, but they took it to a new low yesterday. I guess there's a lesson to extract from that. When it comes to expectations, with some people you just can't drop that bar low enough. If you expect absolutely nothing, then you avoid disappointment. I'm long beyond being hurt for myself. I was just dismayed to see him hurt. And maybe he wasn't. I don't really know for sure. But I've seen him before express that he felt excluded by them. I've even thought that - well - maybe they have their reasons. But to do this at Christmas . . . . . yeah, there's a reason. That's just the kind of people that they are.

Realizing that, I surely do need to totally let go. Sometimes, I have vainly persisted in hoping for some degree of warm, fuzzy from individuals who just aren't that way inclined, at least not in the context that I am part of. I guess I thought there was some virtue in having some faith in people's better natures.

I see now that I may have been mis-investing my time, energy and effort with certain people. I've tended to make excuses for people. I've tended to think that - deep down - people's hearts are bigger than their occasional pettiness. After all, I've thought: isn't that the allowance I hope others make for me.

There may be truth in that, but you can take anything - even the worthiest principle - too far. Sometimes, what you see is what you get. A few years ago, I decided to stop feeling sorry for people in ways that were leading to me being drained by them. That decision improved the quality of my life. I think I'm on the threshold of a new awakening. It may be that I need to start having less romanticized notions about "the basic goodness of human nature."

There are people whose lives touch mine whose behaviors are going to be pretty coldly calculated to pursue only what they see as their self-interest. I don't need to be bitter toward them. I just need to see more clearly what they are about. I will avoid getting myself angry and upset, if I stop trying to convince myself that they are, or should be, what I want them to be. They have the right to self-determination.

I was on and off facebook a good chunk of yesterday, looking for posts to my friend's fb wall from his family . . . looking for heart-warming things to show him . . . . . kind of trying to help orchestrate him having a nice relationship with his kids. That was way too much effort for me to put in to what is really not my business. It's between them.

What should be my focus is what's between me and him. Way back in the distant past, long before even meeting me, my friend did experience a deterioration in his relationship with his kids. Who was at fault for what is really not my riddle to solve.