Rainbow, sorry about the 3rd person talk I did. For all I know, your therapist may have stated she feels uncomfortable if you google her husband. I remember about driving by her house, I just didn't see anything here about the therapist being upset about googling her husband, so it seemed odd to me for people to say it was a problem if your therapist never said it was. Morso for those those who don't know your history.

Anyway, I hope you can work through this and find a way out. That's the most important part. I can imagine the action-guilt-shame cycle you must be going through.