My new term for these type of severe mood swings are the SeeSaw Plunge. I can be enjoying the day which is rare and feel on top of the world so to speak, but never that high, and then something happens and someone says the wrong thing and I snap their heads off. I become so irritable and it comes from anger in me. On the flip side, if I'm in the depressed state and this happens I cry my eyes out and become so numb inside. It happens regularly enough now so I am trying to recognize the symptoms so I can call my pdoc. Just a few days ago this started happening and I called him so he increased two meds dose, which he was working on doing anyway. It helped for the anger part, but the depression is still hanging in.

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't ever think that I have felt normal in a long time, no periods of stability long enough to notice any difference. It just jumps from hypomania, to depression and sometimes goes into mania. Sometimes it happens every few weeks, but then other times it is every other day or so. It confuses me and makes me more angry with my illness, the fact that my meds are working right yet after almost two years of being diagnosed. Now I'm debating my mind whether I did not right thing and applied for disability. My best friend said that it's probably the worst thing I could do for the long term. It doesn't pay much and it does take forever, I know it's going on one year now since I was denied twice and now awaiting an appeal hearing with the judge. Should I attempt to work partime or just accept the fact that I am not stable and cannot work or perform like I did before? All these conflicts in my head only make me feel more like a failure and depressed. I get depressed staying home so much, but I don't know anywhere that I would Iike to go to have some fun except for places that I shouldn't go.

Oh well, see what I mean about the rollercoaster is always running in my brain and never shuts down for repair.