It's frustrating when people set boundaries, but respecting your T's limit (which she appears to have thought through carefully) is a way to show you value her and your relationship with her.

Instead of focusing on identifying him, what if you focus on understanding what you would get out of knowing? Are you seeking closeness to your T? How else could you achieve that?

I worry about you pushing the boundary because it may cause your T to respond in ways that will reduce your closeness.