The first day since signing up that I've felt horrible. I feel like I need to write it all out or say it somewhere where I won't interrupt or upset anyone.
I don't know how to communicate with people about how or what I feel. I know it's often not caused by anything topical or relevant, but for hours of the day I can feel so low, I'll cry for no reason, like now. I'm crying.

I feel this empty lonely, sense of despair, and there is no reasoning behind it. I deteriorate in this sadness, like it's an indulgence, but I don't feel like I can pull out of it. I try to redirect, but I'm quickly drained of the will to fight the sadness, and I end up drowning in the "sulking" throughout the day. I hate this because I don't feel this is who I am, or who I should be.

I have feelings like..

I'm alone
I'm misunderstood
I'm undesirable
I'm miserable
I'm tortured

Etc, and it's not conscious words that run through, but feelings or emotional waves, that hit, and drain me of my will to fight against it. Almost as if that participating in this feeling makes me feel momentarily better? Doing so either consciously or unconsciously contributes to perpetuate the "sulking" which leads to seclusion and isolation.