rainbow, early on in my therapy, I had the compulsion to find the information, to know stuff. What got me to stop was realizing what I was risking and that risk was significantly greater than what I was getting by my searches. I put a sign on my monitor to remind me risk >>> reward. Every time I thought about doing the act, I would look at the sign. Over time I started to trust t more and the compulsion lessoned. It did not go completely away, I took it moment by moment, day by day - just like an addict. (and yes, I did something worse than googling t or t's husband).

What are your risks here - not just with your t, but with yourself? Are they worth losing? Do you see her "go ahead" as some type of challenge? You know, she might have given you false info (not knowing everything you know about him).

Compulsions are hard to deal with and I'm never certain if denying them is the better way to deal with them or giving into them and then trying to figure out why they happened once they are not clawing at your back.