Rainbow, I've searched information about a T...whatever i could find.
I think I did it for many reasons...to find if i could relate to her and wondering if she could relate to me. There seemed to be such a wide social and economic chasm between the two of us.

I wanted to know who she was. I wanted to know if she seemed respected by her colleagues. I wanted to know her values. I wanted to know many more things..

I understand this may make many of you cringe:

Once, she mailed something to me- accidentally using her home address as the return address. I drove by her house not knowing what I was looking for. I told her soon after-I was trying to understand my attachment. We talked about it. I was honest.

I told her part of the reason I wanted to know about her home and life...it was like I had found my "real" mother ....wouldn't you want to know all about her? So, I could see where she lived but, like an illegitimate child, knowing I wasn't allowed to "knock on her door."
It's kind of a sad feeling.