Defective is a strong word but I too felt that way and still do. It is so easy to get into that mindset and even harder to get out of it. I don’t know how it is with you but I have always been good with foreplay once I got to the point where I felt like I was ready to be physical with someone but I just can’t seal the deal if you know what I mean. I freak out and can’t go all the way through it which led to being called a tease and not in a good way. I even thought along the lines that it might just be that I am homosexual and that was the reason but I couldn’t even enjoy that for the same reason.
Haven’t tried in over two years but I hope that I can get over it or get help for it in the future, (always been an area that I am very uncomfortable with talking about with a professional), I hope that you can work through it but no pressure.