I just left him a phone message, which is something that I have never done on the same day after a session.

I told him that I just needed to tell him some stuff and I didn't wanna write it down-- just wanted to get it out.

I told him that this was the hardest session ever. That all of the abandonment stuff has been fired up. I said that it is not sitting well with me that there are no rescheduling options and that sometimes I need more-- now there is no way to get more.

Every week at the end of session, T asks me, "So, are you coming back next week?" It's sort of our "thing." I told him over the message how when I got home today, that I thought about how today was the first time that I really thought "no" when he asked that, even though I said "yes." I told him that I wasn't saying that to act out or to get a reaction-- that for the 1st time I truly feel as though I don't want to come back next week and I want to stay away from him.

Finally, I told him that I understand we can still have sessions on Saturdays, but here is nothing he can tell me that will make me think he is going to stay.

Therapy is %#@&#! up. Getting attached to some person who has a business he can take wherever the %#@&#! he wants.