Hi☺
I have a number of issues but I'm still trying to figure out what they are.
I was seriously ill more times than I can count and I am very lucky to be alive but for the last year and probably longer I can't escape all the medical trauma etc that went along with being sick.I wake up at night and think I'm in icu again all the sounds all the machines and not being able to move.Flashbacks during the day,doctors appointments,ambulances,sick people...heart beats so fast...feel like i am back there again and it's happening all over and over and over...sometimes it's like i feel I have to relive everything physically on the outside too it's like i feel I didn't deserve to get better so I'm supposed to be sick...when I get anxious nervous upset etc i feel like I'm supposed to be sick again it's very hard to explain the only way to sort of explain it is like i feel like I'm in hospital again in my mind and on the outside.. sick/dying 24/7...I can't escape it all.I know i have other issues too i have no friends and have a little ocd which only gets worse when i am anxious -the ocd like behaviour .I think i have social anxiety too because the thought of meeting someone or even saying hello or answering a phone absolutely terrifies me.I was last resuscitated in May and the last 6 years have been a nightmare with serious illness/disease that I havent been able to work/do anything.I want to be normal again like i was before but I feel so trapped.I don't know what's wrong with me but I know there's something wrong...it's not normal to feel like i have to appear ill on the outside even though I'm not ill anymore and why am I trapped in the time I was sick it's with me every where I go all the time.A lot of things have been going on the last year at home my sister has really bad depression it's been difficult at times with her very difficult.I just don't know anymore I want to get better but don't know what's wrong.I am seeing a counsellor but haven't told her everything yet I'm only just getting to know her but I don't know if I can tell her everything there's so many things I have to tell her and something bad that happened when I was little too.I don't know why but I am scared she will send me to a psychiatrist and I don't know why but that really really scares me.Can I get better from this by myself or by talking to the counsellor or will I more than likely need more help?What is wrong with me?Anyone have anything similar?