I guess my t has to know I like her. She tells me she likes me but I have never said I liked her. I never said I hated her either, I proclaim indifference and I do that when someone matters. It hurts so much because I want to tell them how much they mean but the words won't come out. I always end up pushing ts away or accusing them of something until they terminate. I have ghosted a few and not given them a chance to explain. I can feel the same situation happening again with my t. I didn't cancel my next session but I am strongly feeling that I should just not show up and ignore her calls. I have never not shown up for therapy with her but I have done this with my other ts. I would appreciate any feedback. I realise I can be quite defensive around my t and I am in the process of dropping that. I want to tell her I am so mad at her, I want to tell her not to be so mean to me.
I am interested in hearing any advice on how others dealt with these strong feelings?