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Originally Posted by Echos Myron
I started testing the waters with things like 'sometimes I have strong feelings towards you', 'I am fond of you' and it was always met with acceptance by him which allowed me to move onto saying "sometimes part of me thinks 'I love him'" which my T called 'saying it in parentheses'. As my feelings have always been accepted in therapy with him, I have recently been able to talk openly about the love I feel towards him. Every time I have said it more directly than the last, and every time has been scary, but I know I will be accepted so my fear is getting less and less.
For me the point is that if I can say these things to him and be accepted (my feelings were unacceptable and perceived as threatening when I was a child) I can begin to express my feelings about other, deeper issues without fear of rejection. It's a long road but we've made such progress, especially this year.
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I can usually express most of my feelings especially negative feelings towards my t but not the attachment feelings and especially not my attraction towards her. This limits my interactions with her greatly. I would like to be able to trust my t to be able to carry all of my feelings, like your t does Echoes. That would be too much of a risk with my t though. She likes her clients to hate her, not to love and adore her. This is why she can be so mean and challenging at times.
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Originally Posted by Argonautomobile
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Mona. What advice do you think you'd give someone in a similar situation? Is it possible to write T a letter and hand it over? Or say "there's something I'd like to say but it's hard for me" and start from there?
I don't know. I'm not sure there's any kind of secret with these things beyond just forcing yourself to do it.
Most of the time I'm pretty direct with my T because I can be and because it irritates me when he *****-foots. 20 minute sessions probably have something to do with it. But then I've never had anything particularly distressing to say about him to him.
Good luck.
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Thank you Argo, I really like the idea of a letter. I find it easier to write than to speak so naming my feelings can be very tricky. I know that if I was giving someone else advice I would tell them not to take a risk with this t because she most likely won't handle it sensitively and they will end up b OMG hurt.
I am trying to trust my t but every week she gives me a reason not to trust her.
I have tried the "I have something to say but it's hard for me line" my t does not mince her words or beat around the bush. She will just tell me to spit it out and when I stutter trying to get it out she will pretend she didn't hear me and make me say it again.
I imagine it's a relief to be so direct with your t?
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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
I've generally used e-mail or occasionally voice mails or texts to let my T or marriage counselor know about strong feelings, whether positive or negative. I find it's easier for me to organize my thoughts in written form and explain why I'm upset (or feeling whatever I'm feeling) than to try to do it in person. Sometimes we've them ended up discussing the feelings in person and/or on the phone after I reached out and shared them. But it's helped for me to have the feelings already out there. If I waited to share them in session, then I might back down or have trouble getting them all out or not make as much sense as I would in writing.
I can't remember how your T is about e-mail, but if she's not good with it, another option is to type/write it out, then ask her to read it at the start of next session. That way, you have your thoughts organized. Hope that helps. Good luck  |
Thanks for your advice Lonesome. I like the idea of a letter. I really think I could manage that quite well. T always misses what I am really trying to say or really trying to tell her. I think with a letter it won't be as hard to misinterpret my words.
I have never emailed my t, I have her email address because we work from the same centre and she is bcc on every email. After our last rupture I asked if I could email her. She said she would rather talk about it in session.