I liked Gojamadar's daylight energy theory, the scenery outside under the sun is stimulating to the brain and that enters into my soul through the eyes, I recognize the psychological benefit in some ways. Anyways, I've been reading about this sleep disorders and blind people a bit, and I think I'm ready to reveal my type.

Let's call it, zeitgebers resistant nonentrainable type, a mutation of some sorts.



I'm on the owl mode again by the way, yesterday was about 36hrs, and slept over 10hrs after that. This hasn't gotten any better for months. And I had a thought from back in the day of depressed period that lasted years when I used to sleep longer and the day was a lot shorter. The days were upside down, almost everyday, but I remember restoring the day-night cycle with my will often times, then back again to the night owl styles for some reasons.

So by comparing my current state to the old ones, it seems the mood state that my brain has changes the perception of the time. This year, at some point the mysterious internal clock even couldn't tell the time accurately within the acceptable time frame, I wasn't dissociating or nothing, but I'm not like that any longer. Although I still lose track of time a lot, when I'm on task like right now, when the brain is doing the thinking with some focus that I could muster, I usually feel at peace with the present moments, I do not have any particular feelings about the clocks in my room or anyone else's, which is all good.

My sleep so far has been like the time flies by, every day and I don't remember much but this doesn't feel like a memory issue. It's rather brain speed issue. And then comes the "What does my brain want?" type of questions, and I don't really have an answer for that. This is not fantasizing, the other day I was just trying to rest my brain by ditching the train of thoughts that was going through my head, it usually follows after the language practice that happens in my head, I don't really speak the language so it's boring and indecipherable by anyone other than myself. I just remembered at that moment, the images of ... Guinea Pigs from the Google Image search. Well, I admit this happens more than I care to admit actually, it overwhelmed me...

It's like I long forgotten how to turn my brain off, the natural pathways of entering sleep have been elusive, and I still get this moments after brushing my teeth where I'm resisting to call it a day. So, back to the original point of this post, I think the sleep for me is like the more I'm conscious about being conscious, the less sleep I've been getting from this body?

I don't know, I've been trying to get away from brain is everything kinda thinking but the way this weakened body has been acting seems to correspond with the order comes from the brain down to the vertebrae and back up again, I keep my hands and feet warm enough and that don't seem enough to fall asleep.

The night watch continues...