I think it is important to explore this more with T rainbow, but that doesn't have to be figuring out its cause directly (ie is it my relationship with my parents etc). I would suggest exploring the feelings as they are in the here and now, and working to accept this part of yourself. You are a curious person. That is not a bad quality. You also sometimes are insecure about relationships. That's okay too. All great material for therapy and grist for the mill on the journey of self-acceptance.