After 32 years, I know a thing or two about them, based on how they treat me. They are not particularly generous or kind. Their mother once said she was sorry for how they treated me - cool and distant. She told me he was a warm and attentive father. He has no history of domestic violence. If anything, I think his kids were a bit spoilt.

I don't know everything. But I know they are self-centered types who tend to calculate what they are going to get out of any move they make. I've needed to make some assessment of what they are about so I know what to expect in how they will relate to me.

I do know that they and I have very different values. They're entitled to have their own values. Their father is no prize - on a number of fronts. After his divorce, he became financially irresponsible . . . even ending up unemployed and homeless. This clearly earned him their contempt. And years ago they told me they did not want to ever be stuck having to take care of him in any significant way. Well, they're not! He is no burden on them. They say they love him and are so glad he is doing well as he is with the support he gets out here 2000 miles away from them. It's a set up that taxes/strains them not at all. A phone call on Christmas would be appropriate.

Yesterday morning, I heard my bf say to his son, "Oh, that's alright." So I rather think the son was kind of apologizing for something.

Four years ago, this son called and told his dad, "Don't come to visit me. It's too tough on you, with your declining health. I'll come visit you instead." He hasn't done that. Morally mature adults don't tell a sick old man, "I'll be out to see you in a few months" . . . and then let years go by without following through. He never complains about that, as he never wants his kids to go to any trouble for him. I guess, if you instill that in your kids - that's what you get.

Different values were instilled in me in my family of origin. Different families have differing values. That's life. I get that.