Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Maybe he abused his wife and maybe that's why she left. Maybe kids observed him treating her bad. You said he didn't always treat you well so I bet he didn't treat his wife well either. Or maybe he treated them bad. Maybe his substance abuse was too much for them to handle. Maybe they see therapists and were advised to keep communication to a minimum.
My dad isn't bad but he can be difficult (he hasn't been past two years as my mom battling cancer), but when he was difficult my t advised me to keep communication to a minimum to protect my own sanity.
My mom also says that dad was always great (warm and attentive father.). That's baloney. Neither me nor my brother think that. My dad is ok now but he was NOT warm and attentive when we were growing up. He was not emotionally available etc and was very tough to deal with. Not what mom saw. So I wouldn't go by what their mom thinks.
And he probably never complains because he feels guilty
It's still sad and difficult for you. But try to take thoughts of it as like others said you don't know everything. You love him and it isn't always provide objectivity. Stop worrying about them. Hang in there
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The substance abuse was a big issue. He was a pain in the @$$ when he was drunk - not violent, but annoying - even exasperating - to have around. The worst of that was after his divorce. He's been sober for 20 years. One of his kids told me that she thought her mother did not always treat him very well.
For those of you who were abused by your fathers, I am very sorry. It's an awful thing to have to recover from. That's not what this family's dynamics were about - according to what
they have shared with me.
They got pissed off that their dad ended up broke for a long time. (According to what
they have told me.) His eldest told me that she felt her dad - in his drinking days - needed a babysitter.
Yes, he does feel guilty. He has always felt guilty that he ever gave them any cause for worry. Even now, when he gets seriously sick, he tells me, "Don't go calling my kids. I don't want to worry them."
He's sober 20 years now. There's nothing much his kids have to worry about . . . for a long time now. They really aren't the type to dwell in the past. There are current consequences to how he lived in the past. All he has is his Social Security. And he does fine on that. If he had banked money all his life and was financially nicely situated in his golden years, relations with his kids would be different. I suppose it's understandable for that to be so.