So, we emailed back and forth yesterday, he is sorry for my pain...he's also torn between her and me. But. I drew the line at his suggestion of me being his 'gf on the side' of his gf. I didn't at first, that desperate part of me said yes at first. Then the more intelligent part of me realized i'd just dropped my dignity to the floor. so I have sent him a message letting him know that even though I want nothing more than to be with him, I deserve to be treated better than that and cannot choose to be treated any less than the good, kind , generous person I am.
God only knows how much more drama this will end up with, I'm praying he will just let it go. I was kind to him, I told him if he wanted to work on this thing with her, it wasn't fair to them two...or to me...to have his focus split. But that I'm not closing any doors. I feel like, if they weren't able to work this out in 14 years, it's probably not going to work out this time either.

I deserve to be someone's first choice. I've been second to way too many people over the last 10 years.