The substance abuse was a big issue. He was a pain in the @$$ when he was drunk - not violent, but annoying - even exasperating - to have around. The worst of that was after his divorce. He's been sober for 20 years. One of his kids told me that she thought her mother did not always treat him very well.

For those of you who were abused by your fathers, I am very sorry. It's an awful thing to have to recover from. That's not what this family's dynamics were about - according to what they have shared with me.

They got pissed off that their dad ended up broke for a long time. (According to what they have told me.) His eldest told me that she felt her dad - in his drinking days - needed a babysitter.

Yes, he does feel guilty. He has always felt guilty that he ever gave them any cause for worry. Even now, when he gets seriously sick, he tells me, "Don't go calling my kids. I don't want to worry them."

He's sober 20 years now. There's nothing much his kids have to worry about . . . for a long time now. They really aren't the type to dwell in the past. There are current consequences to how he lived in the past. All he has is his Social Security. And he does fine on that. If he had banked money all his life and was financially nicely situated in his golden years, relations with his kids would be different. I suppose it's understandable for that to be so.