It sounds like everyone still wants you to feel guilty that things aren't the way we would all like life to be. And the images of family all gathered the Christmas tree that we get bombarded with this time of year sure don't help. For me, its still hard to reject the guilt trip, still hard to accept my that its not our job to fix everything. Its learning how to say "no" and not feeling guilty. There's a few books about that - maybe reading one could help.