Quote:
Originally Posted by 1stepatatime
Hi Mona
I send emails to my therapist after each session. ( she's fine with it). If I have concerns about something regarding her I address it in the email. We always discuss it when we meet the following week. I'm finding it easier to discuss things with her now because the email has served as an icebreaker so to speak. I'm not sure if you are beyond that at this point, I know it's been very difficult working with your therapist. I'm hoping that you will seek out someone who is compassionate, empathetic and very importantly, respectful. Happy holidays to you!!  |
Happy holidays to you too 1step.
I wish my t was more open to emails. She has always replied to my texts with reassurance and kindness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Argonautomobile
It is quite a relief to know I can say pretty much anything--stuttering, even--and not have to face ridicule or harshness or anything really beyond polite professional regard. It's ****ing awesome, actually. I can't imagine trying to do therapy without that.
I do know what it's like, though, to not take my own advice. And I know what it's like to have to walk on eggshells around other people. It usually sucks.
I hope it all works out for you, Mona. I think you deserve to have a therapy situation work out for you. I see a lot of kindness in your posts; you deserve to be treated with the same kindness.
|
Thank you Argo, I imagine it would be f***ing awesome too. I stutter with her and only her because I am so afraid of being judged and mocked.
I am so used to walking on eggshells around people that I have become very good at it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Out There
I think the pattern has been broken with both my T's that my feelings and wants and needs are valid and important. I'm not sure any progress would have been made by continuing with the same pattern. Your T wants you to hate her ?!! I can't see what's being achieved with that. Too many red flags and it all seems very twisted. |
You would be surprised by the amount of ts with avoidant personalities who would run 100 miles to get away from clients who are needy and attach themselves to their t so easy. My t nearly got sick when I told her my sister rings home every evening.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I tell the woman if she has failed me. Otherwise, I have no reason to talk to the woman about feelings about her. Aside from being angry with her when she fails, I don't really think I do have any feelings about her one way or the other.
|
How does your t react when you tell her she has failed you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio
Mona, I used the letter writing as a build up over time and only this past Friday actually said the words to my t verbally. You say your t does not like emailing between sessions. Would she read a letter in session that you gave her or with her tough love method, would she make you read it out loud or just summarize it?
Maybe the question to talk to her about is why do you let someone you care about treat you poorly?
I am new here so I don't know the whole story with your t, what I have seen leads me to feel like you deserve more. Have you ever felt like you were good enough in the relationships you discussed? Have you ever felt from someone else that you are enough just the way you are? I get the sense that you are not getting that from this t. It is some of what my t gives me and I think it was/is completely needed for me to get past the having to "be a good girl/kid" feeling. If you have not felt it at all, ever, then maybe finding a t that can give you that and work towards that so you can internalize it. <--- I'm not there yet, but there have been more moments of feeling that since working with my t.
|
Well my t says I have a high tolerance for abuse so she knows I will take just about anything she throws at me. I am learning to give it back to who it belongs to very slowly. It's a painful process because losing the things you crave can really mess with everything.
I can honestly say that I used to do that all the time.attach to these type of women who treat me bad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
Uh...I don't. I do say thank you on occasion, but since I also thank total strangers, I don't regard that as expressive of feelings.
|
Thank you I would say it's gratitude, is that a feeling? I guess so [emoji15]
Quote:
Originally Posted by ListenMoreTalkLess
Sounds like you want to change this pattern and that is admirable and should be something that moves you forward in your relationships with everyone. I could be a smart @ss and say just change it, or continue to change it because you already have.
In my version of what I think your "tell T x or y or z" is, identifying what it is I needed to say was about 2/3 of being able to say it. It's a big step. Then for me the next was feeling willing to say x or y or z. It was important for me to be able to do this outside the T room, so it was a good chance to practice. I'm guessing that there are other people in your life that you might want to say you are or were mad at, or wanted to tell them they were mean. Or at least contemplate the possibility rather than pretending it doesn't matter.
I'm sure you know the general basics of communication that deals with your feelings towards another person. Perhaps one of the least confrontative ways I have done this with my T is the "I feel/felt upset and angry when you said this thing, and I'm curious abo be specific, so "you are always mean to me" is likely to lead to a productive conversation, but "I was angry when you said this specific thing" is not. I like to use the curious tag because it takes the issue out of the realm of finger-pointing or telling her she's wrong and focusing on my reaction.
And then when I learned to do this in the moment, that was pretty cool. I realized i could say what I felt without the world dropping me into a sinkhole, and I became better at it with people in my life.
|
I am learning to do this with family and friends and it really amazing when you can actually say what you want in a non blaming way. This is something I have worked in with t. She has accused me of not being real with her numerous times because I don't get mad at her. Well I do get furious at her but I can't express it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by junkDNA
it took me like 5 years to tell my T i love him. he was very good about that. ive told him it like 4 times i think? it was all through text messages. i feel texting it, rather than saying it to his face, creates distance for me... a safe enough distance to be able to express it. we had discussed my attachment to him in person. at first it felt scary and uncomfortable. it seems easier now, but thats not say that the emotions involved aren't difficult and painful.
|
I am glad to read how your t was and is accepting Junk DNA. Emotions for me are getting easier to handle, they used to be terrifying. That's one good thing about my t she really helped me to self regulate and soothe myself when emotions get scary.