If you want to come out, because you want to be gendered correctly, addressed as unkle etc, than I think you have not that bad of a situation here (not the best, but could be worse)

I know it's hard when your parents don't approve but you have a loving and supportive husband and your extended family might be able to defend you from your mother.

If you don't come out because of all the good reasoons, that doesn't invalidate you (if that's your fear). You are not more or less who you are if you (don't) tell other people about it. You are not required to come out, do what you think is best for you.