Thanks for the reply. To be honest I thought about ending the friendship for some time now because of this... but we also have really great times and she can be really caring and understanding and doesn't judge me for things that others would think are super weird. She also apologized for trying to push me yesterday but again explained that this fear of mine is just something she doesn't understand. So if there is any way I can save our friendship I want to try.
But since she has a boyfriend now that might help me get some distance and see how things go.

Thanks for the welcome