Dear all,

I'm heavily addicted to cigarettes. Fortunately it is my only addiction. But this one is just so terrible, 2 hours is about the max. I can go without, just horrible. I am having nightmares about sitting on an airplane not having nicotine substitutes (like gums or patches) available, seriously.

Now, the reason why I'm not posting in the "smoking cessation" section is a story about addiction in general that sounds a bit weird and doesn't get out of my head:

It is known from 2 celebrities here in Germany who had taking up smoking at a very early age (like 10-12ish) and were heavy chain smokers all their life, smoking 80-100 cigarettes per day. Eventually, 50 years later, they were sitting in the doctor's office getting their diagnosis: terminal lung cancer, no chance for any treatment, expected life time left: 3 months.
Both of those guys left the office, took out their cigarette pack and lighter and .... threw it into the next trash can. And never smoked a single cigarette again until they died.

Same story with the neighbor of my parents who wasn't only a chain smoker but also a functional alcoholic. Every night he drank 6 pints of beer (about 3/4 of a gallon) which was just calculated so that the next morning he would be under the legal limit for driving. He was a sales rep and knew that losing his license would also mean losing his job. But on weekends he drank 20 pints (2.5 gallons!) per day.

I can't remember his terminal diagnosis. It was not lung cancer, but it was also terminal and also an expected life time left of 3-4 months. Same story, he didn't only stop smoking, but also stopped drinking. He also died after 3 months, but until then never touched a cigarette or a drop of beer.

Call me crazy, but this feels as if they were on a "mission" to destroy and kill themselves and when they learnt that they had a terminal disease without any chance for cure, they had their mission accomplished and no longer needed cigarettes and beer. I somehow feel the same with me, but can't explain why.

Can anybody relate to that ? Any thoughts ? Thanks a lot !