I still think you need to read about codependency,if you haven't already.I think it would be very beneficial for you.You are obsessed with him,addicted to him.

You must start with yourself,work on yourself,there's really no other way if you want things to change.It must begin with YOU,you have to change yourself,not him.

Also,you could always venture out on your own,get your own place,without filing for a divorce.You could just separate for awhile,work on yourself,then reconcile if you choose to.