This is the oddest thing! Its hurts so bad! For a long time now any mention or alcohol, or drugs, and sometimes sex gets me upset in a way that is horrible. For example I've been in chat rooms ( not PC chats ) and ppl start talking about beer they enjoy, or about getting drink or high, or about what parts of sex they like. WHen this happens my heart beats really fast and I get teary eyed. Usually I start crying like I am now. I've told my T, she doesnt really know waht to say to it mostly beacuse its not exactly somethin ppl go through. It hurts so bad, and sometimes i've told these ppl who are friends I cant stay, and I feel akward.

I have no thing against ppl who do these things, nor have I been around family who abused these things so I have no idea why they upset me....

Yet...in the back of my mind, I wish I did those things, I'm 17, I've never been rebellious to underage drink, to have premarrel sex, or to get a buzz, I've had no escape, with the exception of PC.......other then that my room is where i stay alone....