I feel like just a number on a scale. Just a number on a clothing tag. Just a nothing. Just a nobody. Just so much pain. It hurts so much. I can't get a grip on this disorder to overcome it. I am so tired. So tired. It consumes me. How many times a day do I have to check my weight? How many times a day do I have to rid myself of any food I've eaten? How much more can I stand. I can't stand myself. I feel so disgusting and dirty. I want to be clean. I want to live well, but this is killing me.