I can empathize. I've been "friend crawling" on my T's facebook, i.e., clicking throught thier friend's list to look at other people's profiles and see what I can learn. I'm insanely curious as to who her most recent husband was.

Turns out a lot of her people just don't know how to hide their profiles (and i have a lot of various 'friend in common' links to some of them), so I've learned a bit. I'm now that person and I'm a bit ashamed. All these mental gymnastics we go through just to feel CLOSER to the therapist. We're not really helping ourselves are we. And we're not making any actual progress for ourselves unless we acknowledge what this is really about.

I spent sometime over the holidays letting myelf feel this - emptiness - and I had moments where i just pictured my T with her arms around me, soothing me, and I just said it out loud to myself last night. "I want love." So There it is. It's human.

It's better to name it so you can process it. This is just need. And doing all that stalking doesn't really fill it. It's like eating candy when you need a full meal. Google and such, is creating the illusion of closeness. It's understandable. But you might be killing your appetite for when the real thing comes along.