Hey luce

I did mention it to my therapist. We discussed it briefly but I changed the subject. I told my T what I wrote here, that it felt weird because I never saw former T as physically violent. My T said like just manipulative? And I said yeah. My T asked me how I felt about knowing this. I told him I feel ok, and I am actually kind of pleased, lol. Pleased to know he isn't doing well.

My T asked me why I Googled him. I said I don't know, I do it from time to time. T asked if it is morbid curiosity and I said yeh basically

I didn't go very much into it with my therapist.

To be honest I don't really feel upset over it but I have noticed I've been getting a little obsessed with it in my mind, like trying to imagine the scenario

I think there is some overall dissociation over what he did to me... I very often feel so removed from it as if it didn't happen to me. Like it's just some movie I watched or some novel I read